Say Hello To My Little Friend

It's such a little thing. Tiny speck, imperceptible, unnoticeable . . until it starts to move. Then it's influence can be felt. It's there, it's real, and it demands attention.

Lego Wookiee for size reference

Three miniscule millimeters seized me, restricted me, taunted me, and had a profound impact on my life for almost a month. Painful days, sleepless nights, body held ransom by three millimeters.

"Just a little one, you may not even feel it pass." The Urologist's dismissive words rung in my head at around 2:30 this morning as I sat in our "hobbit hole" downstairs bathroom silently tracking every traveling millimeter as this foreign body scratched and clawed it's way free from me. In the end, the second leg of the journey was much easier than the initial excursion from kidney to bladder, but none-the-less, I was well aware of its evacuation.

But how is a kidney stone related to the Gospel? Jesus lived the perfect life that I could not, died the punishing, separating death that I deserved, and rose again; defeating death to rule and reign as King of heaven and earth. Turning from sin and putting your faith in the God who offers true peace and rest secures eternity with Him. But, how does this change the way that I look at my life at two in the morning as I arch and moan through the sweaty, teary, nauseous, feverish, kidney stone dance?

"How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!" (James 3:1-12) Just like a bit guides the horse to obey, this small spark in my side had me prancing to a tune that I wanted to forget. Though I need to remember and apply James' admonishment to beware the trouble my tiny tongue can cause in grumbling and gossip, ultimately, this was not the truth to be discovered in my squirming contemplation.

When Paul spoke of the thorn in his side, the Lord comforted him with the words "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) In weakness and frailty, clothed in human vunerability came the King, a suffering servant at whose presence one day every knee will bow.

Jesus challenged us to consider the ants, to look to the birds of the sky and the flowers in the fields and see how the Father cares for us. The little things matter to our big God. That's good for us because we are little. Maybe that is why we have been drawn to help pregnant women, carrying the smallest, weakest, most vulnerable. We intend to open a satellite birthing clinic to give check-ups to the women who can't afford to make it to the main clinic. We've been scouting out several squatter locations talking with the often overlooked to learn about their needs; to hear their stories.

During our brief time together, I carried my stone with me as we visited many people in our city, bursting at the seams with the hungry, needy, and lost. As we search for the place that can most benefit from a satellite birthing clinic, all we see is need. We want to establish a ministry with every step that we take. Every child's smile says "bring the Gospel to me." Every pregnant mother, hands resting on belly, toddler pulling at pants, heart filling at the prospect of a closer check-up that doesn't cost 120 pisos one way, tells me through her eyes that she too needs Good News. 

Ronaldo's wife's smile is wide as she leads us to her cobbled together, dirt floor house, windows boarded up with last years billboards. Panganay (the oldest) is at the neighborhood school and her other three peek out from behind their mommy fortress as the foreigners sit on the bench in their front room that also functions as their bed. Our nurse/guide/interpreter explains that Ronaldo's hernia keeps him from construction work and the clutch is weak on his trisykle. You can't collect fares when your transport can't make it up the side of the mountain where your community is nestled. So, this soon-to-be fifth will go to an adoption house in hopes for a better life both for new baby and current family, but there is another issue.

Praying with Ronaldo and his family.

"What advice do you have for Ronaldo? He is doing drugs," explodes the very direct question in an indirect culture that catches both me and Ronaldo off guard. Stunted and broken Tagalog escapes my lips as I try to connect with personal stories of how those I know have struggled with trying to heal or escape pain, suffering, and loss by turning to a temporary fix. "The shabu (methamphetamine) is a liar," I mange to get out with help in translation. "It tells you that it will fix the pain, but it only wants to control you." Ronaldo shakes his head in agreement almost imperceptibly and refuses to look at my face. I tell him that I don't see shabu when I look at him, but I see someone made in God's image, a person of value and worth, a man that can contribute to a community as I encourage him to not isolate himself, but to be with people.

"Repent, turn from this drug that wants to make you a slave and turn toward the one who offers freedom. Jesus is truth and He won't leave you like the temptations will." After more words and prayers, I put my hand on his shoulder and thank him for having us in his home as he wipes the sweat from his brow and chugs the biggest glass of water I've seen all day. It reminds me to drink more as I step through the door into the tropical sun.

There are so many Ronaldos. So many Ms. Ronaldos. The work is so big, and we are so small. I feel little, weak, and inadequate as we cram back into our little car and start to discuss where the need is most acute. I can't feel down for long though, because my stone won't let me.

"Judge me by my size, do you?" (to know how my stone sounds, be sure tosay this in a Yoda voice)

I took a picture of a cute little puppy in the community for Isaac

I remember that it is not my job to save the Philippines. I am just a messenger, I'm not the rescuer. I'm not the one to reconcile, it's not up to me to build God's kingdom; Jesus has that well in hand.  I'm just a witness, charged to use my voice to tell what the King is doing.

Just the same, God hasn't asked me to help every Ronaldo find a job or to put a smile on the face of every street kid. It is sufficient for me to trust and obey. As our family endeavors to love God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and strive to love our neighbors as ourselves; we remember that God likes to use the small and the weak to show his strength. I'm okay with being small, and weak, and foolish, because my God is big, and strong, and wise.

I just need to travel along, a foreign body, scratching and clawing, making my presence known just enough for my voice to be heard, declaring that there the King is coming so the day is at hand to repent and believe.

Now, don't take this as gospel, it came to me during a fever; but maybe, the kingdom of heaven is like a kidney stone. It's such a little thing. Tiny speck, imperceptible, unnoticeable . . until it starts to move. Then it's influence can be felt. It's there, it's real, and it demands attention.


"He put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field.  It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.”
He told them another parable. “The kingdom of heaven is like leaven that a woman took and hid in three measures of flour, till it was all leavened.”" (Matthew 13:31-33)

Worse Than Jonah

It didn’t take me long to pronounce myself the worst missionary ever.  Waking up at 5:30pm in a tiny hotel room near the Little India district of Singapore after close to 30 hours in travel, my first thought was “I want to go home.”  Then I remembered that I don’t have a home to go to.  We haven’t even made it to the field yet!  We are still in transit and these are my thoughts?!

“Great family leadership, Dan!”  “This will be so encouraging to Heidi and Isaac who you just packed up with everything you owned and slogged through three airports, 12 times zones, and zero hours of sleep.”  “That’s the vision that will inspire your supporters and mobilize others to give it all to follow Christ.”

We started this process with visions of Paul, Amy Charmichael, and William Carey.  Confidence grew as we considered Jim Elliot’s simple truth “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”  We wanted to be strong and courageous, full of joy and a desperate longing to forsake all for the sake of Christ.  But now, all I can think about is Jonah.

Just like us, God called Jonah to leave his home and the people he loved to go to a far away place and tell others about his God.  (Jonah 1:1- 4:11) His job was to warn them that the Creator of all the Universe will judge and punish sin in his justice. That part, Jonah was fine with.  But he also had to tell them that God has made of way of escape in his mercy and grace and he was less than willing to relay this message.

We get to tell this same story of the God who cares.  We are excited to tell the lost and hurting, the slave to sin and self that there is a God who creates and who makes new.  There is hope in Jesus to change hearts and lives because he lived the life we could not and paid the penalty we deserved.  This hope is fueled by love and grace.

But that’s not the story in my mind as my tired eyes pealed open and adjusted to the muggy South East Asian evening.  No, tonight my story was my own.  I was wrapped up in me and was missing the bigger picture.  I was like Jonah.

Jonah resisted, he ran, he ranted, and yet through him, God worked in the hearts of the people of Nineveh and they were spared through his mercy when they repented.  I guess I can take comfort that even if I’m bad at this (which apparently, it doesn’t take long to see that I really am), God will still use me.  God still used even Jonah to accomplish his purposes.  His will, will be done.

Jonah didn’t think the people deserved God’s mercy and he was right.  They were wicked and evil and deserved to be punished, not loved.  Of course, what Jonah missed is that he deserved the very same fate.  This I get.  I recognize my own helplessness in justifying myself, I see where I fall short of living the life that I should. I don’t want God to destroy people. I want them to hear the same Good News about Jesus that saved me. 

None-the-less, I’m worse than Jonah.  At least his resistance was based on a sense God’s justice. Sure, he was ethnocentric and wrapped up in self-righteousness, but mine is selfishly focused on my own comfort and desires. 

“I’m tired, I’m stressed, and I spent three hours booking the perfect hotel that has a pool for Isaac and now the stupid pool is being renovated . . . and this room is tiny, where is the shampoo . . .did we even pack shampoo? what do you mean the phones won’t charge? I know the lady at hotels.com told me that breakfast was included in the price!”  This was the sound of my brain melting. No wonder the world considers Americans the most ungrateful people on earth!  Glad I could help dispel that stereotype. 

The funny part is that Isaac came to me and said “Dad, I don’t really care about the pool, I’m just glad we are together.”  How is my ten year old the pillar of strength, reason, and faith in our family?  I suppose I still have some lessons to learn in humility and where to find my identity.

You see, this is the spiritual warfare that we talked about in training.  This is why we have the shield of faith.  The accuser wants to whisper in my ear, “this isn’t worth it. . . . . oh yeah, and you’re no good at it anyway.”

So I went to my weapons because the accuser is loud, and my sinful selfish heart can be even louder.  Praying in the Spirit, helmet of salvation firmly in place despite my shortcomings, I asked God to calm me and to change my affections.  Turn me from love of self to love of Him.  Remind me why I am here and to give me boldness to open my mouth and boldly proclaim the mystery of the gospel.  As the flaming darts began to extinguish, having no power over this shield of faith, I ran to my sword and found solace once again in the Psalms.  “He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.  On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”  (Psalm 63)

Maybe I’m telling you too much.  Maybe I’m delirious and jet lagged.  Maybe this too is a selfish way to deal with insecurity and doubt.  But maybe God can use this too.  Maybe he can teach me to not rely on me and maybe he can teach you the same thing. 

A good friend gave me some excellent advice before we left.  “Don’t screw this up.”  It didn’t take me long to break that directive.    He was teasing of course (at least I hope so), but there is some real truth there in how we think about things.  If you put your confidence in me, you will be disappointed.  If I put my confidence in me, I will be let down.  If it is up to me to do this work, to share this Gospel, to serve my team, to care for my family, to do right, to make myself happy, then pity me.

But if it is in Jesus we have our confidence, if it is the power of the Holy Spirit on which we rely, if it is the promises of Our Father to which we hold fast, then we can rest, and work, and find joy.

I hope that this didn’t discourage you or make you sad.  Instead, I hope that you saw the contrast between who I am and who Jesus is.  If you relate to this story, remember that God makes things new.  Spoiled rotten things like me.  You see, I might be worse than Jonah, but because of what Jesus has done, because the Holy Spirit lives in me, God can use me, and can give me joy in his purpose.  “Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist.  Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.”  (Matthew 11:11)

 

Maybe, like me, you are feeling like the least in the kingdom.  Let me encourage you to stop relying on you and turn to Jesus as he calls in the end of this passage.  “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Please continue to pray for our family as we learn how to love Jesus and love people on the other side of the world. If you want to pray that we don't get swallowed up by a big fish, I won't stop you!

Training for Tears

How do you relate to a 10 year old Kazakh orphan who came to the States for facial reconstruction and prosthetic limb surgery?

You listen delighted to an enthusiastic rendition of Frozen through charades and broken English, laughing every time Happy Snowman's carrot nose ends up on the side of his face.  You show pictures of your not good chubby dog when she tells you of the not good big brown dog she feeds and the good little white dog that licks her face.  You pantomime that time you screamed like a little girl when a snake fell on your head opening the shed door; to get a smile and relate to her snake story. You tell her how your ten year old hate crutches too, but that your friend with a prosthetic leg can balance just fine now and is getting married in a week.  Finally, you have a staring contest, pretending to be a plastic owl, because that is what she wants to do.  Then, you go home and you cry and you pray; broken-hearted for those who are lost and lonely and overwhelmed by God's grace for the ones he saves.

This week, we had an optional evening class at training.  For the past three weeks, we've learned techniques and strategies, powerful methods for contextualizing the Gospel and practical tips for navigating culture.  We are being prepared to hit the ground running, plant churches, and be used by God to bring many into his Kingdom.   But this class was different. 

We expected ground-level ideas about ministering to street kids, how-tos on navigating corrupt officials in the juvenile justice system, and programs and schedules for properly rehabilitating and releasing those changed and healed back into society.  Instead, we got real life. 

We heard an honest conversation from a missionary who is tired, but hopeful.  She began by saying "I don't have any answers."  So, I put down my pen and opened my heart.  "It's hard, it's taxing, and we only have a couple of 'success' stories to tell," she said through a slight smile, but with a spark of life and light in her eyes.  They run a ranch for unwed teen mothers and other children who live on the streets or can't take the abuses of the orphanages or youth homes any longer.  "Some days, we spend our time just trying to keep the little ones safe from the big ones," she confessed, as she told us about teaching kids how to eat a family meal, wash themselves, and pray.  She told about trouble with visas, refusals to pay bribes, kids who show up just to fill their bellies, fights over coloring books, and a new pair of boots in a cold gray winter.  Abused and broken, neglected and forgotten, in her home, these children were welcomed and loved, greeted with hugs and songs.  (www.J127Ranch.org)

I learned this week that I think in words; but as she spoke, pictures ran through my mind.  I saw our Joe. I saw the faces of Esmeralda, of Juanito, and of our other LightShine kids.  I saw a Filipino baby I held while her 17 year old prostitute mom sat by my side. I saw dirty, crusty faces, smiling up, fascinated at the weird white guy and rubbing his oddly hairy arms. I tried to pray for the missionary at the end of her talk, but the words were choked and much slower to come than the tears that pooled in my eyes.  

When we think about what it will be like in Manila, our minds fill with visions of house churches in squatter communities, people transformed with hands raised high in worship to Jesus.   We picture street kids graduating from school, starting jobs and families, thankful to have heard about the one who saves and changes.  These are good and true outcomes wrought by the power of the Gospel and God's Holy Spirit.  But, it is his work and we can't know what will happen.  Though goals are good and we are to strive for success, God calls us merely to be faithful, the fruit provided by Him.

God has prepared us through his Word for the victory found in Christ.  We look forward to the "great multitude, that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne and to the Lamb!" (Rev 7:9)  We live in a time of the already where we know that Jesus came to save and completed his work on the cross.  We also live in the time of the not yet, where because of our sin, there are still tears and hurts, and street kids.  Jesus will return to redeem all things to himself, but in the mean time, right now, we need to love through the hurt.

God has put the fatherless in our family's path and prepared us to love them through the Gospel. Jesus lived a perfect life amongst sinful men, despised and rejected, paying the penalty of sin for those who hated him.  The Father turned his back on the Son, guilt and shame piled on him, that God's wrath might be satisfied and we might be free. The Gospel does not stop there though. Our guilt is removed, we have been given the righteousness of Christ; and then our shame is covered and we can take our place as children of God, co-heirs with Christ.

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me.  Because I live, you also will live.  In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you.   . . . If any one loves me, he will keep my word and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."  (John 14:18-23)

We cannot adopt all of the orphans in Manila.  We cannot bring them all into our home.  But we can tell many about the God who brings his children into his family through Jesus.  We can pray and love and we can tell of the forever family that God promises to those who believe.

I pray that you know the freedom that comes in being a child of God, free from the penalty and power of sin because of the perfect work of Jesus.  Praise God for the work that he has done and the work that he continues.  Please pray for the lost, the poor, and the fatherless.  Pray for us as we look forward to having our hearts broken.  Let your hearts be broken with ours. 


"But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying 'Abba! Father!' So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God." (Galatians 4:4-7)

Flour and Hours

Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love birthdays.  Not just my own special month of February, but other's birthdays too.  Maybe that makes me a little Filipina already because I hear they love to celebrate Birthdays in the Philippines.

In April I celebrated my sister’s birthday in a significant way for us to commemorate the day and also to remember the last of her birthdays that I would get to spend with her for while.

In July, my best friend had a birthday.  She lives in Virginia and I had planned to go down to spend her whole birthday week with her whether she liked it or not.  Instead, by God’s providence, she was able to spend her whole birthday week here in Maryland because of work obligations.  I was so excited you would have thought it was my birthday week!  I got to spend more time with her that week than I had been able to spend with her in years.  As I approached her actual birthday day and I was preparing to go spend the whole day with her I realized I had not given her a tangible gift for her special day; nothing to commemorate the occasion.  I began to think about what I could give her.  I don’t really have anything of value.  Nothing I could buy would be special enough. I didn’t have the money to treat my best friend to an exotic get-away or even a day at the spa together.  All I really have right now is my time; which is oh so precious these days. 

As the hours tick away, and the clock is winding down to our departure for the mission field it is time that has the most value.  Although I’m not planning on dying any time soon, Lord willing, and I do plan to come home to visit; I suspect things will be different when I return.  For instance, if things go according to our plans when we return for a visit Isaac will be in high school, one of my nieces will have graduated, I will probably have a few more wrinkles and possibly even some gray hairs (although I’ll never let you see them!).  If things go according to our plans we’ll have great successes from the mission field but also even greater struggles to share.  We’ll have sweet times of fellowship to share with our friends and family when we return but we will never be the same. 

All of this brings me back to this time right now.  Though we have great technology like Skype and Facebook, we will be far apart and in different cultures.  As the hours pass, I think about being changed by experiences and wonder how you will be different and how I will be different.  It leads me to think that our time is the most precious thing we have to give right now.

So . . .. flour, what about flour?

We’re leaving for pre-field training in about 7 weeks.  We will be off the grid for 6 weeks and then, Lord willing, shortly after that we will be on a plane to Manila. 

SO, right now, I’m out of flour.  I realized it today.  Usually it takes me about 4-6 months to go through a bag of flour. But, I don’t plan to be here in 4-6 months.

Now I know flour is a little thing to think about.  I know it only costs a few dollars to buy a bag of flour to hold us over until we leave.  I know that whatever I don’t use I can give to my sister.  But that’s how my brain works.  The flour is not the point.  Flour has caused me to think about the time that I have left here as the woman, wife, mother, sister and friend that I know myself to be right now. 

How do we finish well while we are still in the states? Stock the pantry or give it all away?

What is the best use of the time we have left?  We’ve got to meet new friends and raise support or we can’t leave.  At the same time, there are so many that we want to see as we start to say our goodbyes.

In the end, our time is not our own.  I’m not looking for answers, just thinking about the little things like flour and hours.

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

What's Missing - Guest Post

What’s Missing? - by Gwen Hawk

This past month as I watched the Olympics, I was inspired by the story of Canadian half pipe skier Sarah Burke.  She was a skier with a fiery passion for her sport. Sarah lobbied the International Olympic Committee to have women’s half pipe skiing included in the winter Olympics.  She was successful.  Sarah had followed her dream, worked for it, and found fulfillment.  But before she even had a chance to compete in the games, she died while training in Utah.  Sarah Burke had found that following her dream was something she thought was worth dying for.  

            “What can I do to find something worth dying for?” I wonder.  I want to find a dream that’s truly worth daring to risk everything.  A few weeks ago, I went to a Francesca Batistelli concert with my friends.  Before she came on stage, they showed a video about poor children all over the world that Compassion International provides sponsors for from the U.S. and other countries.  I was struck by how needy those children were and how most of all they needed someone to show that there is someone who cares for them.  Oh, how much I want to help them!  But what can I, a thirteen-year-old, do?  I had no answer. 

There are so many things in life that I have no answers for.  Like how Americans can just go through their lives oblivious to others around them.  Like how I can be so uncaring to my siblings for no reason at all.  Like how so many people have never experienced empathy and compassion.  I was at Dunkin Donuts the other day with two of my friends for our Bible study.  There was a woman and a little girl at another table.  I overheard the woman say, “I believe in God,” The little girl said, “Don’t say that.”  When we were about to leave, the woman asked us what church we went to.  When we answered, she told us, “I don’t go to church anymore, I got the Bible on my phone now.”  As we left, I thought about why she did not want to go to church.  It is heartbreaking to know, not that she does not go to church, but that the people there did not show her Jesus’ compassion.     

There are many things missing in the lives of those poor children in foreign countries.  There are so many things missing in the lives of the Americans.  But what are they missing most of all?

 I know a family who had the perfect American Dream life.  One job, an awesome son, and a healthy marriage.  The Wrights decided to go on a mission’s trip with their church to Mexico.  They worked with a program called Lightshine that helped kids get a good meal every week and learn about Jesus.  They learned to care for these kids and wanted to help them.  They were ready to give up everything to go and live in Mexico to help these kids and their families.  But God was calling them to something even bigger.  He called them to the Philippines, on the other side of the world.  Only through a desire to see God’s love spread to the nations that they can follow his dream for them across the sea.  But where did they get that love?  It’s something that’s brought them the kind of fulfillment I want to have.  

I have to say that their dream is the biggest I have ever known.  It more fulfilling than any other.  For years this family had shared their love with those in the U.S. like the woman and little girl that I met at Dunkin Donut’s.  People that were starving for love that only Jesus can give.  Now, the Wrights are giving up everything to share it with children and families like the kids I learned about in Compassion, people who have never even heard of love like this.

That family has taught me that there is a dream worth giving up everything for. Only through Jesus’ love can they reach people like that woman and little girl in Dunkin Donut’s and the needy people all over the world like those in Compassion International.  Jesus, through his sacrifice, has given the Wrights a love that is so enormous it is overflowing to others around them and touching their hearts, filling an empty place that they did not even know was there.  And they have found fulfillment in following God’s dream for them.  That family has found a dream even greater than Sarah Burke’s.  They have found that there is something not only worth dying for, but worth sacrificing everything just to show others that there is a love that surpasses all. They think of it as worth living for. That’s what I want.  I’ve found that my dream has become to follow Jesus’ dream for me to experience that love and share it with others, be it here or across the globe.  If everyone chose to follow the dream God has for us to experience and share his love, the world would change forever.  The woman and little girl that were at Dunkin Donuts would talk to Jesus’ followers and find a family of faith that would provide the fulfillment they needed.  The children like the ones in Compassion would know that they are loved.  I know now that love has the power to unite us, to overcome petty differences and weaknesses, and to change the world!

Most Likely To Succeed

It's a little after 4am and the combination of thoughts swirling through my head, congestion, and Taco Bell's new Chili Cheese Fries Loaded Griller have me up working on a blog post.  In addition to a delicious lunch yesterday, I also consumed mass quantities of Throwback Thursday.  This is a phenomenon where people post pictures from their past on social media, mainly because of alliteration.  It must have been dance themed because someone posted a shot of me cutting a rug at a school dance and I got to see Heidi in a sparkly costume, ready to perform at a high-school pep rally.  Luckily for me, Heidi's always has been and always will be glittery!

Nostalgia swept in and I went to the yearbook, an exercise fluctuating between fun memories and extreme awkwardness.  Flipping through, I came across the Senior Superlatives where our class voted our peers as cutest couple, most athletic, and other categories.  There on the page, in black and white, I starred at myself, labeled "Most Likely To Succeed" and striking a pose that could only be described as a cross between a 1990's Sears Catalog with less day-glo and "Blue Steel" with less duckface.  I can only hope that I was attempting to be ironic.  

Besides making me question my whole adolescence, I began to contemplate success.  Pursuit of success drives us as individuals and a society.  So important is achievement that it's common place for students to cheat to succeed or business people and public officials to lie or pursue less than ethical means to get things done.  Often, we applaud these actions and admire those who step on the "little people" to get to the top. Even if we take the moral high ground and condemn those who go too far, we seem to pay close attention to what sociologists would call stratification by wealth, prestige, and power.  We tend to associate these things with success and those that have one tend to have or intensely desire the others.     

What is it that makes one successful in our post-modern consumer culture?  Is it the same for everyone, or do we each have our own versions of success?  What would my classmates say if at our next reunion I told them that our family turned our backs on the American Dream to follow Jesus to live with the urban poor?  Can our family be considered successful by American standards?

As you can imagine, the internet yields a myriad answers to the question "What is success?"  Here is a sampling.

• Maximizing Income
• Enjoying What You Do
• Wealth, Fame, Power
• Being a Loving and Faithful Spouse and Caring Parent 
• Harmony or Balance in Life
• Creating Value for Others
• Financial Independence
• Good Health
• Feeling Happy or Satisfied
• To Have a Legacy
• Self-Actualization
• Waking Up Feeling Victorious Instead of Defeated
• "He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins"
• Getting All That You Want to Have
• Being Educated
• Not Wasting Time
• Success is a State of Mind

In our relativistic culture, we should expect to find this type of diversity of views on success.  They range from the quest for comfort to the collecting of mountain top experiences; from achieving a zen-like harmony between yourself and the universe to a life spent in service to others.  Material success is easy to measure and there are plenty of surveys ranking people, businesses, and countries so we know the standards for success.  We can set internal benchmarks for ourselves and strive for organizational goals, but is there an objective standard for success?

In high school, I really wanted to be the President of the United States and I studied Political Science to try and get there.  I should probably mention that Poli Sci also required the least amount of credits of any major, so that too may have been an influential factor.  I considered running for the House of Representatives right out of school, but I began to realize how corrupting politics is and modified my vision of success. 

To build the successful family, I wanted a beautiful wife, a genius kid, and an obedient dog.  In this case, I suppose two out of three ain't bad. Then, when I began in the business world, I wanted to make six figures.  Surely, that was success.  I wanted to be respected and useful, someone that people came to when the job needed to be done right.  I wanted to retire early, travel the world, leave a legacy, enjoy comfort, and just be happy. 

Some of these things I achieved, some I failed, and some I left behind.  I love my family, business is great, I'm comfortable, and happy.  My dog will never bring me my slippers and pipe, at least without gnawing them first, but she's cute in a "so ugly she's cute" kind of way and her tail wags every time she sees me.  Success.  So, why am I so eager to leave this lifestyle behind and go to Manila, Philippines to plant churches amongst the urban poor?

Well, when it came down to it, success was about me.  Tim Keller says "More than other idols, personal success and achievement lead to a sense that we ourselves are God, that our security and value rest in our own wisdom, strength and performance. To be the very best at what you do, to be at the top of the heap, means no one is like you. You are supreme."

God convinced me that it wasn't all about me and that I've been changed by Jesus for a purpose.  "I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)  Even when I failed him by pursuing my own success, God loved me enough to send Jesus to die for me that I might be raised to life, compelled to live for him.  

While we are looking to satisfy self with the "good life," Jesus says lose your life, deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me. “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” ( Matthew 16:26).

Okay, so what then is the Christian definition of success?  How will our church, family, team, and partners know if we are successful on the mission field?  Is it a numbers game like at work?  Churches planted, people baptized, Bible studies started.

I found this top 10 list of definitions of missionary success on themissionaryblog.org.

1. Arriving and surviving — Just being a missionary automatically makes me a success
2. Fitting in well into a new culture – learning the language and culture, thinking like a native, feeling at home, developing many significant relationships with nationals
3. Accomplishing more than other fellow missionaries – more fluent in the language, leading more Bible studies, preaching more sermons, winning more converts, planting more churches, or simply busier than other missionaries (ironically less free time!)
4. Nurturing a healthy, loving family – enjoying a healthy marriage, close family, warm friendship with fellow missionaries, children are doing well in school, husband and wife working together in ministry
5. Living a godly life – the quality of one’s personal spirituality, rigor in personal spiritual disciplines, length of time one spends in prayer and Bible study
6. Helping needy people – Making a difference in someone’s life, feeding the hungry, improving the quality of life for someone in need
7. Completing the task you were given to do — fulfilling one’s mission assignment, meeting the expectations of one’s team leader and teammates
8. Giving leadership in your mission organization — becoming a team or field leader, the number of leadership roles one has in the mission, the size of the team one is asked to lead
9. Meeting a strategic need – Doing something that could not be readily filled by national believers, making a contribution that is truly significant to a movement of regional or national importance
10. Leaving a lasting legacy — starting something that will endure after you leave

As I continued to think about success more and more and go through these lists and ideas, it began to strike me that the worldly list and the missionary list all seemed to have one thing in common.  Outcomes.  We define success by outcomes and outcomes tend to be about me.  Even this blog post began by being about me.  I needed to define success, so I could prove successful once we get to Manila. 

In our Sunday School class, I've been challenging our youth to follow Jesus.  We've spent the past month or so talking about God's will.  Specifically, we've started to free ourselves from trying to discover "God's will for my life."  Many of the kids talked about pressure to find God's will from parents, teachers, grandparents and others.  This is a pretty common Christian pursuit.  First, I asked them who is the center if the question is "what is God's will for my life?"  As we often find, even in the church, we end up making ourselves the center.  What if, instead, we asked "What is God's will for the world, and how do I fit my life into that plan?"

We're using David Platt's definition in our class.  "God's will is to redeem men and women from every nation, tribe, language, and people by His grace an for His glory.  That's what He's working to achieve in the world, and He's invited us to participate.  He's invited us to follow Him in that mission by surrendering our own wills in order to make disciples." 

This plan of God's is written from the first pages of the Bible (Gen 12:1-3) to the very last.  In fact, God guarantees the success of his plan in Revelation 7:9-10 where he describes people from every "nation, tribe, people, and language" worshiping around the throne of Jesus and giving him praise and glory.  If we know that God's plan is already successful, then we don't have to be so caught up in our individual outcomes.  As our Pastor preached last Sunday, we can even be Free to Fail.

Once we put God back at the center, we explored the Bible to find out what God really wanted for us. We determined that God wanted us to know him better and trust him more.  This theme comes up so much that one guy has even taken to singing "Trust and Obey" every time I ask a question. 

When King David was about to die, he gave his son, Solomon, the following advice: “Do what the LORD your God commands and follow his teachings. Obey everything written in the Law of Moses. Then you will be a success, no matter what you do or where you go” (1 Kings 2:3 CES)  Success perhaps matters more about where you are with God than finishing a task or accumulating wealth, prestige, and power.   

Jesus didn't pursue these things.  He was poor, had no place to lay his head, (Luke 9:58) and promised his followers suffering (John 15:20).  Philosophers like Frederich Nietzche speak of the will to power, but Jesus thought it nothing to empty himself, stripping away the ultimate power and prestige to be a servant. (Philippians 2:7)  Jesus was humble and obedient and calls us to be the same. 

God isn't looking to the Christian to produce numbers, but to be faithful.  In the parable of the talents, Jesus highlights the pleasure of the master in the faithfulness of the servants. (Matthew 25:14-28)

In his book, Faith, Chuck Smith says that "Faith is the key to a successful Christian life. It enables you to reach out and accept the gift of salvation. And it is faith that takes you by the hand and walks you from one level of spiritual maturity to another. That is why the Word of God says, “Without faith it is impossible to please God” (Hebrews 11:6)."

God is not an angry boss scolding you for an error on your TPS report.  He is not looking for an opportunity to punish you, but uses even your failures to display his great love for you.

This is the good news of the Gospel.  The life, work, death, and resurrection of Jesus gives us both eternal life and new life now.  Those who truly understand the Gospel, repent of sin, and surrender to God's will are constantly being transformed into the image of Christ with ever-increasing glory (2 Cor 3:18).   Success comes not because of the greatness of the messenger, but because of the greatness of the message.  It's funny because the success doesn't come from what I do, but what has been done in me. 

Therefore, because of Jesus, I am no longer merely likely to succeed, but guaranteed.  "I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

Isaac's Letter to School Families